If Only
by Zo the Inkblot
Summary: Sometimes I feel that being his friend is worse than it would be to just be an acquaintance. 900 word dialoge by Ginny on her thoughts about Harry. A quick drabble...


_Set sometime in Ginny's twenties. She's friends with Harry and wishing for more. Could be Post HBP but I think it's more of a drabble that fits in with the two of them never having been together before.

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_**If Only**_

It is one of the worst feelings; being so close to the one you want and yet feeling like you'll never have them. You know that they are the perfect person for you, and sometimes, just sometimes you think they know it too, but then reality hits you like a brick and you go on "just being friends."

Sometimes I feel that being his friend is worse than it would be to just be an acquaintance. Perhaps we would sit by each other in class, or I would see him eating from afar and think "_Oh, he is so gorgeous,"_ and that would be the end of it. I wouldn't know anything about him other than the fact that he had a perfect appearance.

If only.

But no; I see how every little personality quirk makes him more a perfect match for me. The way he eats, what he eats, the music he likes, the clothes he wears, the jokes he makes, the things he says, his piercing eyes...and I just wish that for once they would look at me the way they look at Her.

Her. The Girlfriend. Oh, how I despise her, knowing that she doesn't love him the way I do, or the way I could. How she treats him like a servant and expects him to cater to her every need. He doesn't deserve that. After all he's done he deserves to be waited on instead of doing the waiting. Not that he wants that treatment. He does love to play the hero, but I can see how much he still needs a little reassurance...how he looks for it in her but she doesn't give him it completely.

She's really not evil though, as I wish sometimes she was. I constantly remind myself that she isn't a demon and she isn't just in it for his money or his good looks. She does understand him too. She knows he always eats the same flavor of ice cream and other details like that. And I see the way she looks at him. She does care.

I just don't know how _much longer _that she'll care. I don't see that she's in it for the long haul, which is what I think he's looking for.

When she's not around I like to imagine that there's a chance for us. We laugh and joke and talk and hang out. He comes and hangs out with me over anyone else. But I don't know what that means–does he like me? Is he sort of interested? But what I wonder most is if he ever, if he has even once, imagined what it would be like to be together, like I always do?

Sometimes, I think about him kissing me and holding me in those perfect strong arms of his. It just seems so natural to me...I just have this feeling deep inside that it would _fit_ somehow. Like there is no other correct way...that it just is the way. And I know...that when the time comes that there is no one else that I would feel more comfortable giving myself to. I just know that he is perfect for me: quirks, bad jokes, body faults, enemies and all.

But then she shows up...and I see the way he looks at her and all these thoughts fly out of my head. He _loves_ her...or thinks he does. Her perfect, petite form...her blonde hair and perfect complexion. I feel like a hag next to her. And yet, sometimes I wonder if she feels threatened by me...she noticed that I knew his favorite flavor of ice cream just the other night. We said it at the same time... "_He always gets chocolate." _She looked at me funny then. Does she know how I feel?

I could be going out tonight with everyone now. But she would be there. And for now, I like to pretend that she doesn't exist, because every time I see her with him it ruins my game. He called: He sounded let down that I wasn't coming. Will he miss me? Does he wish it was me instead of her?

I daydream that one day he will realize that I'm the one for him instead. That I'm the one he's been wanting all along. And I know that if he is truly happy with Her and she does truly love him back then one day I will have to accept that. But for now, I will sit and wait–disgusted that I am sitting around like a lovesick girl...But I can't really deny the truth any longer.

I have been falling in love with him, and now I am waiting to see if we ever get our chance.

If only that chance were now.

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_Please review. Thank you for reading...it was just on my mind and I thought I'd get my feelings out in the form of some fanfiction. I'm interested to see what you guys think of this piece...it's a little different than my other stuff...hah._

_Zoë_

_I solemnly swear I am up to no good..._


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